View Source: BattleMonkeys - Waikato Linux Users Group

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<verbatim>
*** Now talking in #coders
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  <k-TROUT> I wish I had a monkey.
<Evil_Burt> ...ok....
<Evil_Burt> ?
  <k-TROUT> You don't think so?
<Evil_Burt> its your wish
  <k-TROUT> Did you know they can peal banana's?
<Evil_Burt> you sure thats not just a rumor?
  <k-TROUT> I'm sure.
  <k-TROUT> Saw it on discovery.
  <k-TROUT> I would teach mine to open beer cans.
<Evil_Burt> can YOU peal bananas?
  <k-TROUT> Yes sir.
<Evil_Burt> ok
<Evil_Burt> so just for beer cans?
<Evil_Burt> can YOU open beer cans?
  <k-TROUT> I won the banana contest at our church picnic.
  <k-TROUT> You know what the trick is with banana contests?
<Evil_Burt> are you religious then?
  <k-TROUT> Oh, heavens no.
  <k-TROUT> used to be though.
<Evil_Burt> and you also used to peal bananas competitively...
  <k-TROUT> Right.
<Evil_Burt> ok...
  <k-TROUT> Anyway.
<Evil_Burt> yes?
  <k-TROUT> I'd keep the money on my shoulder I think.
<Evil_Burt> I should go for your wallet if I was you
<Evil_Burt> safer really
  <k-TROUT> And I would dress it up in baby Gap clothes.
<Evil_Burt> gap?
  <k-TROUT> Yes.
<Evil_Burt> whats gap?
  <k-TROUT> You know, the clothing store.
  <k-TROUT> The trendy one.
<Evil_Burt> no...
<Evil_Burt> where are you from?
  <k-TROUT> Oh, you're in New Zealand....silly.
  <k-TROUT> I'm from America.
<Evil_Burt> ok...
<Evil_Burt> and you want a monkey
  <k-TROUT> Do they have money's in NZ?
  <k-TROUT> monkeys.
<Evil_Burt> we have money, yes
<Evil_Burt> we have monkeys in zoos
  <k-TROUT> Monkey's?
  <k-TROUT> Oh.
<Evil_Burt> not many people have a personal one for opening beer cans
  <k-TROUT> Well.
<Evil_Burt> we dont have gaps?
  <k-TROUT> It takes a special kind of guy.
  <k-TROUT> See,
  <k-TROUT> a monkey, will get women...fast.
  <k-TROUT> Especially at star bucks.
<Evil_Burt> ok... so you train them to kidnap people?
<Evil_Burt> whats star bucks?
  <k-TROUT> starbucks...a popular coffee shop.
<Evil_Burt> ok...
<Evil_Burt> anywhere near gaps?
  <k-TROUT> not kidnap...just...bring them to me.
  <k-TROUT> Sometimes.
<Evil_Burt> drag?
  <k-TROUT> Right.
<Evil_Burt> ok...
  <k-TROUT> by the hand.
<Evil_Burt> cute
  <k-TROUT> If a money grabbed you by the hand..you'd follow.
<Evil_Burt> do monkeys have good taste in women?
<Evil_Burt> I damn well wouldn't follow
  <k-TROUT> Because you can't fight a money.
<Evil_Burt> I'd give it a go
  <k-TROUT> Really?
<Evil_Burt> no
<Evil_Burt> :)
  <k-TROUT> You'd hit a monkey?
<Evil_Burt> no
  <k-TROUT> That's good.
<Evil_Burt> I'd "resist"
<Evil_Burt> I don't want a monkey leading me round places
  <k-TROUT> I'd teach my monkey kung-fu.
<Evil_Burt> you never know where it might take me
  <k-TROUT> You're not a girl anyway.
<Evil_Burt> arn't I?
  <k-TROUT> I'd be hitting on you if you were.
<Evil_Burt> oh ok
<Evil_Burt> thats the way to tell I guess
  <k-TROUT> You bet.
<Evil_Burt> and your monkey would be draggin me to you also?.
<Evil_Burt> would the monkey be opening beer for the women too?
  <k-TROUT> No, because you're of the male persuasion.
<Evil_Burt> fair enough
  <k-TROUT> If the woman would like a beer, the monkey would open it and give it to her.
  <k-TROUT> I'd have a smart monkey.
<Evil_Burt> ooo
<Evil_Burt> a talking one?
  <k-TROUT> Monkey's don't talk.
<Evil_Burt> ...
<Evil_Burt> sorry
<Evil_Burt> my mistake
  <k-TROUT> No..that's okay.
  <k-TROUT> It's probably important that you know that.
<Evil_Burt> so how does the monkey ask the female if she wants beer?
   * Isomer stares at this conversation.
  <k-TROUT> I would tell the monkey.
<Evil_Burt> ok
   * Isomer watches as k-TROUT programs a monkey.
<Evil_Burt> so the monkey understands english?
  <k-TROUT> A real monkey.
  <k-TROUT> Maybe not english, but my tone of voice.
<Evil_Burt> ok..
<Evil_Burt> not anything along the lines of telepathy or anything?
   * Isomer watches as k-TROUT teaches a monkey by programming it. (teaching <-> programming, same thing)
  <k-TROUT> Oh..heavens no.
<Evil_Burt> ok
<Evil_Burt> so, where would the monkey sleep?
  <k-TROUT> Not in my room!
<Evil_Burt> why not?
  <k-TROUT> I think in a box.
<Evil_Burt> a small box or a big box?
  <k-TROUT> I'd probably be sick of the monkey at the end of the day.
  <k-TROUT> a medium box.
<Evil_Burt> what if you wanted a beer?
<Evil_Burt> and this box wouldn't be in YOUR room...
  <k-TROUT> I'd call the monkey.
  <k-TROUT> I can call it pretty loud.
<Evil_Burt> so it can get out of the box then?
  <k-TROUT> Right.
<Evil_Burt> and open doors?
  <k-TROUT> Of course.
<Evil_Burt> so whats to stop it escaping?
  <k-TROUT> Monkey's have long limbs.
  <k-TROUT> It doesn't want to escape.
<Evil_Burt> its a happy monkey?
  <k-TROUT> The monkey gets women and beer.
<Evil_Burt> for itself or for you?
  <k-TROUT> For both of us.
<Evil_Burt> what does a monkey want in a women?
<Evil_Burt> hairy legs?
  <k-TROUT> It would be a lonely monkey.
<Evil_Burt> ..with beer
  <k-TROUT> Right.
  <k-TROUT> A stressed monkey.
<Evil_Burt> would it get drunk?
  <k-TROUT> I don't believe monkey's get drunk.
<Evil_Burt> why not?
  <k-TROUT> That would be silly.
<Evil_Burt> so why does it want beer
  <k-TROUT> I don't have a use for a drunk monkey.
  <k-TROUT> Do you drink to get drunk?
<Evil_Burt> yes
  <k-TROUT> Oh.
  <k-TROUT> Well, my monkey and I don't.
<Evil_Burt> ok
  <k-TROUT> We apreciate pale-ale's the most.
   <Isomer> k-TROUT: evil_burt also beats ppl to a pulp with a large stick.
   <Isomer> one minute they are standing, the next they are a pulp and the sticks covered in blood.
  <k-TROUT> That's fine...as long as he doesn't htit my monkey.
   <Isomer> never mess with an evil even if he only has a pen.
<Evil_Burt> I already stated I wouldn't hit the mokey
  <k-TROUT> I think..my monkey would like a skateboard too.
<Evil_Burt> a skatey monkey?
  <k-TROUT> Right.
<Evil_Burt> how does that help?
  <k-TROUT> He'd be faster.
<Evil_Burt> can you buy skatey clothes at gaps?
  <k-TROUT> Oh I'm sure.
<Evil_Burt> so, this monkey rockets past, but has to walk slowely back with women
  <k-TROUT> well, he can skate slowly too.
<Evil_Burt> while leading chicks to you?
  <k-TROUT> I'd put ABEC 1 bearings in.
  <k-TROUT> Exactly.
<Evil_Burt> what about stairs?
  <k-TROUT> He can carry his skateboard.
<Evil_Burt> ok
<Evil_Burt> what would the monkey eat?
  <k-TROUT> Probably cat food.
<Evil_Burt> ..cat food...
<Evil_Burt> do you honestly think a monkey would be happy with cat food?
  <k-TROUT> Whitefish cat good.
<Evil_Burt> what would the cat eat?
  <k-TROUT> food.
  <k-TROUT> I won't have a cat.
<Evil_Burt> do you have a cat at the moment?
*** TrogMan (fun@galaxy23.contact.net.nz) has joined #coders
  <k-TROUT> Yes.
<Evil_Burt> what would you do with it?
  <k-TROUT> I'll leave it with my parents.
   <Isomer> feed it to the monkey.
<Evil_Burt> Isomer: thats sick
<Evil_Burt> ..but take the food...
  <k-TROUT> I can buy more food.
<Evil_Burt> that costs money
<Evil_Burt> I guess thats ok though
   <Isomer> Evil_Burt: he can make money getting his monkey to do tricks.
  <k-TROUT> Yes.
  <k-TROUT> I make a decent amount.
<Evil_Burt> would you consider getting more than one monkey?
  <k-TROUT> No..probably not.
<Evil_Burt> why not?
  <k-TROUT> I want my monkey to be obediant to me.
* Evil_Burt is considering getting a horde of battle monkeys
   <Isomer> Evil_Burt: rofl.
<Evil_Burt> and to open beer for you...
<Evil_Burt> and itself
<Evil_Burt> and for chicks
   * Isomer has imagry of lots of battle monkeys beeting up beer cans.
<Evil_Burt> Isomer: ;)
  <k-TROUT> Right.
<Evil_Burt> which it brings back to you
<Evil_Burt> leading them on a skateboard
<Evil_Burt> by the hand
  <k-TROUT> yes
<Evil_Burt> and later eats catfood
<Evil_Burt> and sleeps in a box
<Evil_Burt> meduim sized
  <k-TROUT> a cardboard box.
  <k-TROUT> not a fancy one.
<Evil_Burt> and gets out of the box and brings you beer if you call for it
  <k-TROUT> right
<Evil_Burt> a cardboard box
<Evil_Burt> not in YOUR room..
<Evil_Burt> but close enough for you to call to it
  <k-TROUT> right
<Evil_Burt> and it can open doors
  <k-TROUT> yes
<Evil_Burt> but it wont escape, cause its happy
<Evil_Burt> lonely, but happy
  <k-TROUT> Right.
<Evil_Burt> with its skatey clothes from gaps
  <k-TROUT> yes
<Evil_Burt> sounds like you've got it all planned
  <k-TROUT> Yep.
<Evil_Burt> I wish you luck then
  <k-TROUT> I just need to find a monkey.
<Evil_Burt> I suggest a pet store
<Evil_Burt> or a rainforest
<Evil_Burt> whichever is closest
<Evil_Burt> a rainforest would be cheaper
  <k-TROUT> Okay.
  <TrogMan> monkey business
<Evil_Burt> hey TrogMan
<Evil_Burt> wanna help me train an army of battle monkeys?
<Evil_Burt> we can give them little spears or something
  * TrogMan gives the monkeys m-16's
<Evil_Burt> that could work better
  <TrogMan> :)
<Evil_Burt> we then need to ship them to america to hunt down a skatey beer opening chick leading monkey that lives in a box and eats catfood - and kill it >:)
  <TrogMan> heheh
  <TrogMan> nah just get them to get on the net and hack into the us nuclear weapons satellite deployal system
<Evil_Burt> hmm
<Evil_Burt> that could work
<Evil_Burt> but it's not as fun
  <TrogMan> no
<Evil_Burt> no as in you agree, or no as in you dont agree?
  <k-TROUT> well
  <k-TROUT> since I have to be to work in 2 hours, i'm going to get some sleep.
  <TrogMan> bye
  <TrogMan> sayonarra
  <TrogMan> ciao
  <TrogMan> ta ta
  <TrogMan> have a good day at work...
  <TrogMan> have some sleep
  <TrogMan> dream of machine gun weirlding monkeys blowing your house to pieces
<Evil_Burt> either that or a nuclear bomb hitting your house
<Evil_Burt> (aimed by battle monkeys)
</verbatim>
One page links to BattleMonkeys:
Mnokeys
Last edited on Saturday, October 7, 2006 7:05:53 pm by AristotlePagaltzis
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